Have Some fun While Holiday Shopping
The holday season has arrived and with every holiday season there comes the inevitable and unenvieable task of holiday shopping. Whether it's picking up gifts for Christmas, Hannukah, Ramadan, Kwanza or Tet the shopping process can be a painful one. Even if you're given a list with everything you need to get it can be less than fun to take on the crowds the holidays bring out. So it's up to you to make your holiday shopping as much fun as you want. It's won't all be sunshine and lollipops, but with the application of some of these true and tried techniques you'll be having more fun than you have in the past. So without any further ado, on we go to....
- This next one could really apply to any time of the year, but this could be a fun stress relief after a long day of shopping. For this to work you have to know the location a Sunglasses Hut and a Sunglasses Hut International. The mall I frequent actually has both, so for me this is an easy task. Anyways, go into Sunglasses Hut with a small notepad and walk around the store like you are observing it and taking notes on your pad. Next go to the Sunglasses Hut International and do the same. Then return to the Sunglasses Hut and seek out the employee. Notice the use of the singular as the store is only big enough to have one. Ask them if they are aware of the difference between their store and the international one and if they say no, read them the differences from the notepad. Even if they say yes, read them the differences from your notepad. This is a place where you may have to get creative, but you don't have to have real differnces, so you can actually be as creative as you want. Like you could say the sunglasses in the international store are really all just from Canada, so they're not really all that international, you know, stuff like that. Once done in Sunglasses Hut, go International and repeat. You'll have to hurry sometimes though because sometimes a phone call is placed to the international store warning them of you and then the international store warns you that mall security could also be warned of you if your shenanigans continue.....not that I speak from experience.
- Go into a GAP/Abbercrombie/American Eagle/Limited/Express/Whatever trendy dress store you chose dressed as scrubby as possible....in other words go in dressed like I do. Guys, it's best if you don't shave before going, girls, if you don't want to shave you're gonna have to flap up and wear some kind of garment that will show off your legs. Once in the store walk slowly from area to area, looking at the various items of clothing. If approached by a clerk (is there another word I should be using here? Clerks work at convience stores, right? Since I can't think of another word though, I'll stick with clerk for now), tell them that you're all set and that you don't need any assitance. It's important while in the store to pick up and touch as many items of clothing as possible, for no other reason than to make the 17-year old in charge of folding and keeping the clothes neat on their toes. It's also fun to see how many of the store employees you can make nervous by touching their priceless mock turtlenecks and "weathered" jeans.
- Repeat the above listed actions in a GAP Kids if you want to involve police.
- If you're ready to check out but the lines are hoorendously long, worry not. To cut in line, run up to near the front, right behind the person next for a resiter. Start a ramdom conversation with them, something along the lines of you thought that you'd lost them and that they weren't picking up their phone when you called and that you almost went through a checkout with out them, yatta, yatta, yatta (I mentioned the bisque). The key here is to DOMINATE the conversation. Speak loud, speak fast and don't let the other person get a word in at all. If you can do that and and talk loud and quick enough they should be dumbfounded to the point where they won't know how to respond. Hopefully enough time has passed and they'll be on their way to a register before they can react to what you're doing. Then, after they go to a register, voila, you are next in line. To keep from having to deal with people behind you, pretend your phone is going off on vibrate answer it and begin a conversation. You faux convo is an easy one, just describe the ordeal you made up and told the person in the line. Then as you are called to a register, tell the person that was in front of you in line you'll catch up with them in the parking lot, while also telling the "person" on the phone you have to hang up because you're going to a register and you don't want to be rude. Make sure to say that last part loud enough for people around you to hear, that way it appears as though you have manners.
- When a you have a clerk (sales associate?) assisting you and asking you questions, put finger to your ear like you have a listening device in there that you are receiving instructions from. Before responding to any question breifly puase and nod your head as though you are receiving instructions before answering their questions. When the clerk is done assisting you, say something into your wrist like you're in the secret service.
- Go into a store that has chairs set up near their TV display and attempt to take a nap. I mean who's going to wake up someone when they're sleeping? Even if you don't fall asleep, pretend you that you have and appear disgruntled when you are awakened.
- Go to a Vitoria's Secret go find the lacey/frilly stuff. When asked for what your looking for say something for your mother. Or if you really want to have fun, your father.
- Go to a Brookstone store and find yourself one of their massage chairs. Set the chair and then proceed to sit down. Oh yeah, make sure to take your shirt off before you sit in the massage chair and allow the hilarity to ensue.
- Head out to the parking lot and pretend to go to your car. Get a car that's looking for a parking space to follow you thinking that you're going to your car and it's space. Stop at any random car and then make it quite obvious that you've gone to the wrong car. A light hit of the forehead with the heel of your hand or a slight head throwback while tossing your hands up in the air should do the trick. Make sure to mouth a large sorry to the driver of the car following you and makue your way to where your real car is. It should be noted, this may infuriate the driver following you to no end, so make sure your actual car is no where near where you just pretended it was.
Holiday Shopping Fun
- If you're in a store and a clerk asks you if there is anything you can help them with, always say yes. In fact ask them about the availabiltity of whatever item you are near and then ask them to go check in the back for it. As soon as they leave to check, so should you. Get out of the store before they have a chance to find you. Go back to the store and hour later and seek out your clerk and ask if they found what you asked them to look for. Tell them you left to maximize your shopping time and act as dumbfounded as possible when the clerk doesn't understand why you left. If you want a real challenge, try and get as many clerks as possible in the same department store to go and look for something for you at the same times. This will require some more coordination as you can't overlap departments too quickly, otherwise your another clerk from another section may spot you.
- If you're in a store and a clerk asks you if there is anything you can help them with, always say yes. In fact ask them about the availabiltity of whatever item you are near and then ask them to go check in the back for it. As soon as they leave to check, so should you. Get out of the store before they have a chance to find you. Go back to the store and hour later and seek out your clerk and ask if they found what you asked them to look for. Tell them you left to maximize your shopping time and act as dumbfounded as possible when the clerk doesn't understand why you left. If you want a real challenge, try and get as many clerks as possible in the same department store to go and look for something for you at the same times. This will require some more coordination as you can't overlap departments too quickly, otherwise your another clerk from another section may spot you.
- This next one could really apply to any time of the year, but this could be a fun stress relief after a long day of shopping. For this to work you have to know the location a Sunglasses Hut and a Sunglasses Hut International. The mall I frequent actually has both, so for me this is an easy task. Anyways, go into Sunglasses Hut with a small notepad and walk around the store like you are observing it and taking notes on your pad. Next go to the Sunglasses Hut International and do the same. Then return to the Sunglasses Hut and seek out the employee. Notice the use of the singular as the store is only big enough to have one. Ask them if they are aware of the difference between their store and the international one and if they say no, read them the differences from the notepad. Even if they say yes, read them the differences from your notepad. This is a place where you may have to get creative, but you don't have to have real differnces, so you can actually be as creative as you want. Like you could say the sunglasses in the international store are really all just from Canada, so they're not really all that international, you know, stuff like that. Once done in Sunglasses Hut, go International and repeat. You'll have to hurry sometimes though because sometimes a phone call is placed to the international store warning them of you and then the international store warns you that mall security could also be warned of you if your shenanigans continue.....not that I speak from experience.
- Go into a GAP/Abbercrombie/American Eagle/Limited/Express/Whatever trendy dress store you chose dressed as scrubby as possible....in other words go in dressed like I do. Guys, it's best if you don't shave before going, girls, if you don't want to shave you're gonna have to flap up and wear some kind of garment that will show off your legs. Once in the store walk slowly from area to area, looking at the various items of clothing. If approached by a clerk (is there another word I should be using here? Clerks work at convience stores, right? Since I can't think of another word though, I'll stick with clerk for now), tell them that you're all set and that you don't need any assitance. It's important while in the store to pick up and touch as many items of clothing as possible, for no other reason than to make the 17-year old in charge of folding and keeping the clothes neat on their toes. It's also fun to see how many of the store employees you can make nervous by touching their priceless mock turtlenecks and "weathered" jeans.
- Repeat the above listed actions in a GAP Kids if you want to involve police.
- If you're ready to check out but the lines are hoorendously long, worry not. To cut in line, run up to near the front, right behind the person next for a resiter. Start a ramdom conversation with them, something along the lines of you thought that you'd lost them and that they weren't picking up their phone when you called and that you almost went through a checkout with out them, yatta, yatta, yatta (I mentioned the bisque). The key here is to DOMINATE the conversation. Speak loud, speak fast and don't let the other person get a word in at all. If you can do that and and talk loud and quick enough they should be dumbfounded to the point where they won't know how to respond. Hopefully enough time has passed and they'll be on their way to a register before they can react to what you're doing. Then, after they go to a register, voila, you are next in line. To keep from having to deal with people behind you, pretend your phone is going off on vibrate answer it and begin a conversation. You faux convo is an easy one, just describe the ordeal you made up and told the person in the line. Then as you are called to a register, tell the person that was in front of you in line you'll catch up with them in the parking lot, while also telling the "person" on the phone you have to hang up because you're going to a register and you don't want to be rude. Make sure to say that last part loud enough for people around you to hear, that way it appears as though you have manners.
- When a you have a clerk (sales associate?) assisting you and asking you questions, put finger to your ear like you have a listening device in there that you are receiving instructions from. Before responding to any question breifly puase and nod your head as though you are receiving instructions before answering their questions. When the clerk is done assisting you, say something into your wrist like you're in the secret service.
- Go into a store that has chairs set up near their TV display and attempt to take a nap. I mean who's going to wake up someone when they're sleeping? Even if you don't fall asleep, pretend you that you have and appear disgruntled when you are awakened.
- Go to a Vitoria's Secret go find the lacey/frilly stuff. When asked for what your looking for say something for your mother. Or if you really want to have fun, your father.
- Go to a Brookstone store and find yourself one of their massage chairs. Set the chair and then proceed to sit down. Oh yeah, make sure to take your shirt off before you sit in the massage chair and allow the hilarity to ensue.
- Head out to the parking lot and pretend to go to your car. Get a car that's looking for a parking space to follow you thinking that you're going to your car and it's space. Stop at any random car and then make it quite obvious that you've gone to the wrong car. A light hit of the forehead with the heel of your hand or a slight head throwback while tossing your hands up in the air should do the trick. Make sure to mouth a large sorry to the driver of the car following you and makue your way to where your real car is. It should be noted, this may infuriate the driver following you to no end, so make sure your actual car is no where near where you just pretended it was.
And there you have it, a way to make your holiday shopping experience more amusing, well for you at least. I hope it serves you well and that your holiday season is brightened for it. That's all for now, so until later.....
posted by MC at 3:43 PM
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